Goddamn cats. Everything would've been fine if cats weren't bitches. But no, "Feed us! Feed us!" Sigh. Off to Safeway on a scrotum-shearingly cold 5:30 January morning.
Grocery stores at off-peak hours can be a mixed blessing. I love that there are very, very few customers to get in my way - morning joggers, derelicts looking for their first bottle (sorry, guys, 6 AM in California!), and humanity-avoiders like myself. But inevitably, the shopping space is marred by the dozens of pallets lining the aisles - it seems that the dead of night and early morning is the best time to stock a very busy store. That's not so bad - I'd rather slalom between mini-forklifts full of Chef Boyardee than seventeen blue-hairs in the Metamucil aisle.
This morning, there was a customer in front of the store trying to pack about six gallons of milk into her backpack and bicycle basket. She seemed very earnest, but I had my doubts as to her foresight. Inside, the store was eerie - the lights were at about 50% power, and they seemed to be working with an almost-skeleton crew. The aisles had the usual to-be-shelved merchandise, but only a dozen or so stockers for a full 15-or-20-aisle store. Fewer people means less hassle, even with floors full of stock, so it was a quick circuit around the store. Green beans, cat food, cat litter, and trash bags - ooh, look, a 55-cents-off coupon for the trash bags! Score!
The cashiers at this particular Safeway (NON-self-serve, unfortunately) don't handle the coins they give as change. They have these coin dispensers at the end of each aisle - the cashier gives you the bills, the machine gives you the coins. This morning, the worker was having a hard time removing the self-adhesive coupon from the trash bags. I noticed his short nails, and said, "I have longer nails, let me try." And as I reached over to help, my forearm hit the change dispenser and knocked it approximately to China. Coins everywhere. I mean, everywhere. Yes, literally, even in space. Everywhere. "Oh, Shit!", is of course, what I said. I tried my best to help, but there was money under the counter, under the Claw Game and Lotto machine off to the side, under the gum display. Just a debacle.
The cashier did a valiant job of not giving me too much of an overt stinkeye. He did wonder out loud why this particular machine wasn't bolted down, and I think that's my best course of action - blame it on the machine.
As I was heading out, the lady with the milk was still struggling, but with her bike lock. It had been ten minutes, so I said, "Do you need any help? You were having trouble when I went in..."
"No, asshole, keep it in your pants!"
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