Good god, it's tiresome living in my head all the time. It's so very hard to focus on the future, not to wallow in the present shit show. And I'm not even in a bad mood right now, it's just so discouraging to have nothing in my life worth commenting on, except for things that will make a reader want to go out and hang themselves from the nearest tree.
I'm stuck on my book project, too. Just fucking stuck. That'll come, eventually, and it'll be a good book, but making progress right now is like wrestling with a cloud.
I'm trying to find things to do on meetup.com. Seems to have potential, but my god, it's like I've suddenly materialized in the middle of one of those crazy Indian traffic jams. Everyone is doing something, but it's impossible to figure out exactly what the fuck is happening at any given moment. So many very, very tightly-focused groups that, at first glance, it seems impossible that I won't find SOMETHING to do.
I've been doing the OK Cupid thing, too. I've sent a lot of messages, and had about a 20% return rate. I've had a couple of nice text chats with women, but nothing's developed. Just hasn't worked out. Despite the fact that I need companionship, and not just a "girlfriend," I find it monstrously disappointing to make a "friend" on OK Cupid. It's not called "OK, Make a Friend," for Christ's sake. So fucking frustrating. It really makes a guy want to say "fuck it." Especially when it seems just so easy for some people, so goddamn easy.
Ah, well. Bitch, bitch, bitch. I've got it so much easier than about 75% of the people in the world. I must be a blue-ribbon asshole for complaining.
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