No, Really, Safeway Is Trying To Kill Me

It's really quite funny. I have been shopping at the Ocean Beach Safeway, literally across the street from the west end of Golden Gate Park, for five or six years. Been there maybe a couple hundred times, with generally normal results. But I am in the middle of a strange streak of utterly stupid visits to the store.

First, I broke their stuff. Then, I had to go and make a scene. Now I think they just release the hounds as I approach.

As mentioned before, I like shopping in the very early morning. I've tended to be an early riser over the last few months anyway, and the store is usually deserted. I was up at about 4:40 this morning and at the store by 5. I pulled into an empty spot, got out, and grabbed a random cart that was floating around the lot. I turned the corner and approached the doors, and was greeted by a group of a half-dozen raccoons just chilling on the sidewalk in front of the doors. I could see a few people on the other side of the door, and I think they had the automatic doors locked in terror. Or maybe the raccoons weren't heavy enough to trip the door sensor.

Raccoons are not AT ALL uncommon in and around the park, but I very seldom see them buying their sundries at Safeway. A year or so ago, I was working a morning shift - 5 AM to 2 PM. Went outside to the car at about 4:30, and saw a family of cats playing around under a parked car. As I was sitting and waiting for the car to warm up, I watched them frolic. "Damn, those are some fat-ass street cats! And just a little weird-looking. Wait a minute... are those... skunks?" Fucking skunks, partying about 20 feet away. Before I got into the car, I had considered approaching them just because I love cats. I bet that would have gone well.

Anyway, this morning, it was raccoons, and I just stood with my cart, about 40 feet away, and watched. After a few minutes, they must've come to the conclusion that no food was forthcoming, and took a field trip to the dumpsters. When I made it inside, it was like Obama had visited. Everyone was atwitter. "Did you see the raccoons? Wow, what a day! Wild animals!" Etcetera, etcetera. I can certainly understand that - as a retail drone, anything that shakes up the day, but doesn't make your job any harder, is like finding a diamond in the toilet.